I am Tired
People of the Global Majority (PGM): a term that describes people who identify as non-white.
I am tired.
I am tired of fighting
tired of marching
tired of signing petitions
I am tired of being the only person of the global majority in the room
tired of advocating for people of the global majority voices in the classroom
I am tired of receiving white guilt
and white fragility
tired of making them feel comfortable
by silencing myself
I am tired of their anger
their pitiful looks
their silence
I am tired of having to validate myself
I am tired of explaining what it is like to be oppressed
what it is like to hate yourself
what it is like to explain
why you would want to be white at age seven
I am f*cking tired.
In middle school
I read books about the Black experience
In high school
I have attended race workshops
In high school I have learned
about Comfort Women
about the 1871 lynching of Chinese Americans
about the Chinese Exclusion Act
about the Coolie trade
about the “model minority” myth
I know the institutions that uphold white supremacy
but do you?
What have you done?
Why does it take you years
to care about us
about people of the global majority
about race relations in America?
I am 18
and I am tired
tired of being gaslighted
tired of gaslighting myself.
I wish I didn’t have to bring up race in the conversation
it would be so much easier
but I do
I don’t have the privilege to leave race out of the conversation
I have to do this so I can create a better future for people of the global majority
I do it because you won’t think of it.
I do it
because I want my children and their children
to live in a world where they won’t be called
“Ch*nk”
“Chinese virus”
“Kung flu”
“G**k”
“J*p”
I don’t want them to be told
“Go back to China”
“Out of my country”
“You don’t belong here”
“Where are you really from?”
I don’t want them to know
what it’s like to want plastic surgery
in elementary school
how it feels to think you are ugly
because you are not white
I don’t want them to think
their eyes are too ch*nky
their skin is too yellow.
I want them to take pride
in everything I have hated about myself:
to proudly speak Mandarin
eat with their chopsticks
flaunt their lucky money
during the Lunar New Year
to proudly wear their traditional clothing
to be proud to know their ancestors’ history
proud of themselves
to be proudly Asian American
to be proudly Chinese American.
I am tired
but I can’t rest now
there’s more to do
so future generations won’t be tired too.
by Zabrina Richards